People who are new to any type of sex or a partner may frequently need a few trial runs before figuring out the perfect formula for faultless frolicking.
Knowing which blunders to avoid in advance might help you portray yourself as her best-ever from the start. Here are some of the more prevalent ways that givers sabotage their own efforts.
You Are Ignorant of the Need for Diversity
While there are certain generalisations about human sexuality, the truth is that we are all quite unique in our preferences, desires, wants, needs, and responses.
Every one of us is sexually unique, so recognise that what worked for your previous gal may not necessarily work for this one. You must approach a new partner as a blank slate, attempting different approaches and determining what works (and doesn’t) in terms of maximum pleasure.
You must also disregard any ego issues in the input she provides you. She’s probably telling you what she wants and needs without being critical. Her ability to share in this manner should be viewed as a complement (that she can be open with you) rather than an indication of something wrong with you.
Even after you’ve found the correct mix, you’ll want to experiment with oral on occasion. Nothing says “sex disaster” like the same old, same old. So think of new methods to spice things up and keep both of you interested in the oral action. Diversity is essential.
You disregard her other hotspots.
It’s easy to become lost in the focus of your attention, yet your lover’s body is covered in erogenous zones that are begging for equal attention. So don’t overlook your lover’s nipples, bum, or back of the knees, to name a few beloved spots within arm’s reach.
You’re Not Going Easy on the Clitoris
When it comes to how much stimulation her clitoris can handle, every girl is different, and this might vary from one sex session to the next. She may want it rough and direct at times.
At times, she may require you to take it easy on her crown jewel, delivering only indirect or no stimulation. This could happen within the same oral sex session. Check in with her frequently and pay attention to verbal and nonverbal indications that she may require more or less of whatever you’re doing.
You are not fully present.
You had a long day at work; you’re bloated from overeating at supper; and you’re wondering when you’ll find the time tomorrow to pick up your dry laundry. There could be a million reasons why you aren’t interested in oral. Even if you’re not in the mood, act as if you are.
Generate your hands busy, exaggerate your head movements a little, make some noise… Soon, you may begin to believe in your own abilities and immerse yourself in all you do.
She is responsible for the Death Grip.
While a head squeeze may appear to be a sweet affirmation for a job well done, it is not. Amour does not have to include anaconda-like actions. Your ability to breathe is critical and ensures her continuing happiness.
Grab her hands and clasp them in yours for some much-needed relaxation for your head if you find yourself in this death grip and want to get some air without breaking up the activity.
The Requirement to Breathe
Drowning yourself in the pleasure of others can be intoxicating. But it’s anything but erotic when you’re having problems emerging for a breath of fresh air. If you find yourself wanting to catch your breath, here are several simple fixes:
Tilt your head to one side and breathe through one nostril.
Staying above the blankets makes it easier to breathe via your nose. Coming up for a breather while using your fingers.
There are a few more complex strategies you may use to maintain your passages open for easier air supply.
Breathing in Circles
Circular breathing is a centuries-old method that allows a wind instrumentalist to maintain airflow (and consequently music) through an instrument for extended periods of time by inhaling through the nose. It’s inhaling while exhaling, with the “exhale” relying on your ability to fill your cheeks with air when your lungs begin to run low on oxygen and drive it out as you inhale. It consists of four stages:
Your cheeks balloon when you run out of air.
Air from the cheeks is forced through the instrument, which uses your cheek muscles to keep the sound going as you breathe through your nose.
The soft palate in the neck shuts and air in the lungs is evacuated as the air in the cheeks decreases and enough air is inhaled into the lungs through your nose.
Your cheeks return to their original place.
Circular breathing is accomplished by switching back and forth from the air in the lungs to the air in the cheeks. Understand that this does not come quickly and requires practise.
It is preferable to examine books and online resources published by music educators that offer circular breathing exercises to perfect this endeavour. Do you require motivation? The world record for circular breathing is over ninety minutes of continuous wind instrument playing. Consider what that can do for your oral efforts.
Yawn to stretch your throat muscles. Singers frequently overcome throat tightness by relaxing their stressed throat muscles, especially when hitting high notes. So yawn as loudly as you like. This not only allows your respiration to travel freely, but it also wakes you up. Just make sure to clarify what you’re doing to your partner, otherwise you’ll come across as impolite and bored!
Concerns Shared by Both Genders
Oral sex should be a fascinating, rewarding, and fantastic experience for both men and women. However, there are situations when worries can interfere with one’s capacity to truly enjoy oral sexiness. Here are a few of the concerns that could be interfering with your or your lover’s game.
“Am I doing it correctly?” “Do I have what it takes?” “Do I appear ridiculous?” “How long before she achieves orgasm?” These are just a few of the ideas that may cross your head as you’re descending on your woman.
The solution: If you find yourself caught up in such concerns, put them aside and focus on the action, making a mental note to speak with your partner later to be reassured that none of these fears are issues. Or maybe you just need some real private introspection time with yourself to tackle the harsh way you evaluate yourself.
Blocks of Guilt
Unfortunately, some partners do not believe they are worthy of receiving loved. She was conditioned to believe that her sexual feelings, ideas, and actions were bad for whatever reason in the past. Finally, her sense of well-being while intimate is jeopardised, and she may be powerless to make the necessary changes to overcome being her own worst enemy.
If this is your lover’s (or your own) tale, try talking with a sex counsellor or therapist to figure out how to get to a better place and address what’s needed from within, from your relationship, or from your partner in accepting the joys of oral sex.
Fatigue of the Jaw and Tongue
You’re licking, sucking, flicking, massaging, and exhausting yourself. You’re cramping up and feeling like you’ve had your fill of a four-star fine-dining experience, whether it’s tongue fatigue, neck pains, sore mouth, or the dreaded jaw lock. However, you have a spouse to please, and you want to be a trooper at this all-you-can-eat buffet.
The solution is to do one of the following:
Regularly perform jaw-strengthening activities, such as chewing gum.
Try using a different part of your tongue or letting your bottom lip do all of the work.
Take your time. Ideally, you’d do this to avoid the issue, but if it does arise, resume your slow and steady pace.
Until you feel better, carefully replicate your tongue with your fingers.
Make use of Candy.
This oral sex enhancement consists of sugar that is pushed on your teeth to form a soft, slippery cushion. It alleviates jaw fatigue, shields your lover’s loins from your teeth, and prevents dry mouth while improving pleasure for both the provider and the recipient.
You don’t need to take a full time-out on her route to pleasure just because you’re experiencing mouth or body fatigue. Among the ways to keep the action going while taking a rest are:
- Including a vibrator to keep hotspot stimulation going.
- With your fingers.
- Changing up techniques to add variation.
- Rhythms shift.
Distracting her with some sexual dialogue or massage strokes over other parts of her body can also provide you with an excuse to take a breather without ruining the moment.
Your Fear of Being Submissive
I can’t tell you how many times sex educators have heard, “He won’t return the favour!” While they enjoy being pampered, some guys find it difficult to become givers.
The problem: You may believe that performing oral sex on another person is unmanly. You may dislike the thought of being submissive since it contradicts your masculinity. While some men have been known to perform oral sex on call girls, they will not do so at home since they believe it is humiliating to a woman.
Compounding the problem is if you believe that oral sex is an indication that all of you aren’t required for pleasing and satisfying your partner. You may be concerned that oral sex may render your penis obsolete.
The solution: If any of this describes you, communicate your reservations to your boyfriend. Experiment with sexually explicit items that depict reciprocal pleasure, such as position 69, in which partners perform oral sex on one other at the same time. Make a point of emphasising the greater pleasures and satisfaction that come from being a giver and receiving such affection from your gal.
Her Most Common Concerns
A variety of obstacles can keep a woman from completely embracing her oral sex desires. Knowing some of the major stumbling blocks will help you work through her issues with delivering and receiving oral sex together.
Good Girls Never
Feeling awful can be exhilarating, but getting oral might be too much for her. With so many women in our society being educated to believe that they should not have sex until marriage, and that even then, it should only be “vanilla” sex (mainly missionary), it can be difficult for some women to overcome the negative messaging around sexual pleasure.
Many have been indoctrinated that only “bad” girls do “sexplicit” things and that if she participates, she is unclean and immoral. She simply does not wish to have that kind of reputation.
Work with her to examine the messages she has received about sex, particularly oral sex, throughout the years, paying attention to how they make her feel. Are they reasonable, or do you both absolutely agree with them? Are they preventing you two from really enjoying intimacy and connecting with your sexual self, or are they entirely justified?
Determine whether these are healthy signals or whether there are other ways to look at sex actions that aren’t so moralising, degrading, or sex negative. Make a list of the advantages and disadvantages of delivering and receiving oral sex, educating yourself on the physical and emotional pleasures and hazards involved. You could discover that excellent girls “do,” or at least attempt.
A woman can worry about whether or not her discharge is healthy no matter where she is in her menstrual cycle, especially if it is cloudy.
The remedy is to educate yourself on healthy vaginal discharge, which can be clear and elastic or “paste-like” and sticky depending on where she is in her monthly cycle. Vaginal discharge can also be hazy or whitish, turning yellowish when dry, and vary in amount, particularly when she is sexually aroused.
She may adore your beard or shadow, but she will not adore you between her legs. Beard burn can be both irritating and painful. So her legs will remain crossed till you shave.
Consider whether a decent shave would improve your oral sex efforts. However, she may not be affected by it. Ask her.
She is concerned about losing her bladder.
The issue of female ejaculation is related to feeling out of control. This occurrence is frequently misinterpreted as a lady losing her bladder. She may panic, believing she has just peed during her orgasm.
Reassure her that female ejaculation is nothing to be concerned about. The fluid ejected when she ejaculates, owing primarily to G-spot stimulation, includes only traces of urine components. It’s actually a prostatic-like fluid discharged into the urethral canal by the female prostate’s glands and ducts.
Female ejaculation occurs in certain women on occasion when they are extremely turned on. It — and the chaos it can create — should be viewed just as highly hot reactions.
She Is Afraid of Going Naked
Insecurities about her body and nudity can make it difficult for her to be intimate with someone, let alone enjoy what’s going on. These concerns might arise at any time in her life for a variety of causes, such as weight increase, the growth of cellulite, or a partner’s negative reactions to her looks.
The solution: The more reassurances you can provide her about her body and affirmation that getting naked is absolutely natural and healthy, the better her ability to shed not just her inhibitions, but also her clothes.
Deeper Oral Sex Inhibitions
People have many reservations about oral sex, whether as givers or receivers, for a variety of reasons. In some situations, this might make it difficult for a person to relax and let go, resulting in the “big O.”
For others, inhibitions lead to an oral phobia, with cunnilingus perceived as unclean, taboo, or completely repulsive. Some of them can be reduced by getting to know your partner and feeling at ease with him or her.
A supportive, healthy, and loving relationship can help with any oral sex concerns. Regardless of one’s relationship status, there are scenarios that might lead to a strong distaste or revulsion for oral sex in both men and women.
She is afraid of losing control of her entire being.
Even when it’s a most trusted source, having someone face to face with your crotch, let alone making out with it, involves a significant lot of vulnerability. It can be really difficult to relax and succumb to having your sexual response in the spotlight.
She may be afraid of making too much noise, becoming too active, producing fluid, or simply being the centre of attention. This could be due to negative messages she learned about sex as a child, messages she was taught about what it means to be feminine, or simply because she isn’t emotionally comfortable with the sex play, her partner, or the relationship.
Sex is more of a mental game than anything else, with your pleasure boiled down to what’s going on between your ears rather than what’s going on between her legs. When it comes to oral endeavours, your mind can play tricks on you, especially if you’ve been indoctrinated with negative ideas that oral sex is dirty or bad, or if you have difficulty yielding power to a lover.
According to research, negative religious attitudes about oral sex, for example, discourage such sexual engagement. Being in the wrong relationship can also make it difficult for her to really let go and enjoy the moment.
The reasons for the need to keep psychological control during sex vary widely, and depending on her or your concerns, you may need to consult with a trained sex therapist or counsellor. Meanwhile, if any of these mental states is interfering with your ability to accept oral, you must learn to let go and replace negative ideas with good sexual affirmations.
She can, for example, replace an anti-oral idea with “I deserve this type of pleasure.” It’s beautiful, and I’m going to give in to it.” Or, to prepare yourself for giving, create a mantra for yourself, such as “Oral sex is excellent for my mind, body, soul, and relationship.” I’ll let it happen.” It should be done on a regular basis.